Discussions with Daddy: Segment 6

Well friends, I got wrapped up in that whole having-a-baby thing and this little segment fell by the wayside.  The good news about that?  I have more stockpiled than usual.  I would like to tell you I have captured every single funny thing that has been uttered in our house since I last posted in August, but alas- that would be a lie.  I haven't been quite as hands-free lately as I need to be to succeed in that arena.

I've noticed that as Emery becomes more vocal herself, the exchanges are no longer one-sided which means they are even more hilarious.  So you have that to look forward to in the future.  Silver linings?

Enjoy a small snippet of life around here as of late.

• (Getting Emery ready to go to school in the morning.  Background, Ryan had a panic attack when he was certain that at 13 months old one of Emery's classmates greeted him with "Good morning!")  "Em, are you excited to go to school?  We'll go see Anakin and Kalyn and your future boss!"

• (Playing with bath toys one evening)  "That's an octopus.  Octo from the Latin for 8.  You'll need that for your SATs one day."

• (One evening while trying to unload the dishwasher after school.  Emery kept bending down to try to drink the water in it.)  "Honey, this isn't Naked and Afraid."

• (During a diaper change with a higher whining to not whining ratio than usual.)  "Sweetheart- have you heard the expression, 'you catch more flies with honey than by being an a-hole?'"

• (Wreaking havoc on the toy stash in the living room.)  "Daddy just cleaned that up!  Why don't you sit down and do some math problems?"

• (One night I yelled into the bathroom to see what some commotion was about during bathtime and Ryan responded with the following:)  "Oh no big deal.  She's just holding Dolly over the edge.  Michael Jackson and Blanket style."

• (One morning when Ryan picked out some palazzo pants to go under a dress.  I tried to impress upon him how much of a fashion miss this was.)  "A dress?  This is not a dress.  Maybe for some hussy baby, but not MY baby."

• (One evening he was changing out of his work shirt while I was running a bath for Emery.)  Ryan - "Hey Em, one day you might get married.  When you do, I hope he has a body like this! *flexes*"  Emery - "Yes."

• (Ryan doesn't read the actual words in books.  He completely makes up his own.  One night Emery picked a Minnie book that is comprised of maybe 10 short stories about Minnie.  I was feeding Brynn so I'm not sure exactly what the story was about but I gathered it centered around daffodils.)  "And then Mickey said- wow, what a low margin product that is!"  "And Goofy told him, 'Minnie wants flowers.  If you don't buy her some, she won't talk to you.'  And Mickey said, 'I guess that's just how women are.'"

Just a Daddy & his princesses in a sea of pink.

Discussions with Daddy: Segment 5

So, you may be thinking to yourself- your blog is still in early June while the rest of the world is nearly in September.  Well little reader- that's a very astute observation on your part.  I have reached a hurdle.  The next BIG event (obvi) was my sister's wedding.  Your's truly did an abysmal job of photographing this occasion.  So I'm working on collecting photos from various resources to ensure that it ultimately gets documented with the visuals it deserves.  So HOLD YOUR HORSES - it's a-coming.  Then the flood gates will open and I'll get you caught up on this ever-expanding midsection of mine as well.

In the meantime, I just realized I forgot to give you all your quarterly insight into the Martin household via my Discussions with Daddy segment.  Alas, we WILL hit 4 posts in August, which is 4x more than I delivered in May and June.  At this point, you know the drill.  Without further interruption, here we have it:

• (At dinner as she shoveled a variety of items that don't go together into her mouth.  I don't recall the exact items at this meal but recently this child put cheerios in refried beans.  So it's a common occurrence.)  "Do you think we need to get her taste buds checked?  I really don't think they're working."

• (One night during bath time.  Em HATES water in her face but has not figured out the cause and effect of not putting her head back to avoid said water in her face.)  "I am pretty sure we just water boarded her.  I've never been through the process but that has to be it."

• (After I was brutally rebuffed for a hug from our beloved daughter.  This is a daily event in our household.)  Me:  Do you think this child will ever love us?  Ryan:  I don't know.  I mean, she'll need a car one day so maybe.

• (One evening when she accidentally tipped her cup over on the edge of her highchair tray.)  There ya go- pour some out for your baby homies.

• (One morning while getting her dressed for school she was particularly fascinated with the fan.)  That's a fan, honey.  There are different kinds of fans- that's a ceiling fan but also Mama is a big fan of Daddy.  (Apparently they both live in their own worlds.)

• (One morning while playing with her toys before school we heard an audible fart.)  Em, we gotta go.  Where there's thunder there's lightening and Daddy doesn't want to be around for the storm.

• (One evening while brushing her teeth.  Emery HATES having her teeth brushed and it's a battle every night.)  Let's just give in.  Forget these teeth- they're a starter set anyway.

These crazy kids make my world go 'round.

Discussions with Daddy: Segment 4

Welp friends, it is that time again.  It has been another quarter (in non-financial-geek-speak: 3 months) and Emery's Daddy continues to be... well, himself.  Life in the past few months has been pretttttty busy between work, sweet new babies (shout out to Avery & Patrick) and social events, so I will be the first to admit that a few Ryan-isms may have slipped through the cracks.  Don't you worry though- I've still managed to collect a few gems for your viewing pleasure.

Without further ado:

• (Emery displaying a few waterworks while Papa Bear was changing her diaper)  Oh you don't like this?  Well learn to poo in the toilet.

• (On the morning that the waking up video here was filmed)  Man she looks like a drunken boxer.

• (Background to this story- Ryan ALWAYS says that I "have the fire," which is really code for I let him know immediately when I'm dis-pleased with something.  Also, we like to play a silly game arguing about who Emery loves more.  We both know she loves us equally.)  Ryan:  She loves you more.  She won't even let me give her kisses.  Me: That's ridiculous.  You shouldn't try to give her kisses when she's eating.  Besides, even if she did, she will do a 180 when she hits teenager-dom.  Ryan:  *hearty belly laughter for like 45 seconds*  Yeah she will.  You both have the fire.  It's going to be volatile and I'm going to watch with some popcorn. 

• (Laughing in the car seat getting ready to leave for work/school in the morning)  Oh you think this is funny?  You're going to grow up and work some day too.  We'll be retired.  We'll see who's laughing then.

• (One evening during dinner Emery was putting macaroni in her hair)  Can we not bedazzle ourselves at the table, please?

• (One morning during a particularly appalling diaper change)  Ryan:  You are just radiating funk.  You know we prefer you save that for school.  *1.5 seconds pass*  Oh.  dear God.  Why?  This smells like blended noodles and burnt hair.  WHAT DID YOU EAT?  Me:  You have to stop.  Ryan:  Stop what?  Keeping my food down?!

• (One morning while I was doing dishes in the kitchen as Ryan sat on the couch "watching" Emery)  Me:  Are you aware your child is in the laundry room?  Ryan:  Yeah.  Leave her in there.  I'm hoping she's going to do some freaking laundry.

Any day that starts with a tickle fight with Daddy before school is a winner.

Discussions with Daddy: Segment 3

Ohhhh, hello there December- you really snuck right up on me.  Thanks for that, you sneaky minx!  Anyone still out there on the interwebs?  Have to say I'm impressed if you're still coming around given my little hiatus.  I apologize!  If it's any consolation it's because I've been in the field- living life and creating fodder for this little virtual scrapbook.  I have vowed to (try really hard to) get caught up before the New Year.  So, let's get this ball rolling before the big one drops.  (Ohhhh yeah.  I just did that.)

So I've apparently unofficially made this segment a quarterly thing.  That means it's tiiiiime for an update!  As before, the last 3 months have been full of me nearly spitting out food or choking on water when listening to the Daddy and his conversations with and about our tiny angel.  I really just can't imagine what I would do without them.  Probably spend a lot less time praying that my child is the youngest person on the planet to comprehend the notion of sarcasm.

• (Giving Emery a bath, Ryan pours water over her head without shielding her eyes.  He's immediately met with a look of shock from yours truly) "You're 6 months now, kid.  Gotta grow up sometime!"
• (Watching Emery play in the living room, she starts pulling her shirt up).  "You are such a floozy!  This better not be your plan for putting yourself through school."
• (One morning that Ryan didn't have work, I was running out the door and he was still in bed.)  Me:  Okay, Em isn't going back to bed.  You have two options, you ca... Ryan:  Adoption?
• (At the doctor for her 6 month appointment)  Doctor:  She has really great social skills for her age.  Ryan:  That's because we try to hand her off to everyone we meet.
• (Having a conversation about how fast time has gone and not wanting to forget any of the little things)  "Emery being born was like 9/11.  I'll never forget."
• (Discussing what I wanted for my birthday)  Ryan:  What do you want for your birthday?  Me:  A maid.  Ryan: We are growing you one right now.
• (Emery managed to get a hold of a Restoration Hardware catalog and was looking at it).  "You need to get a job!"
• (Ryan upon seeing Emery the first day she wore tights)  "OMG.  Are these pantyhose?!  Does she have a training bra under her onesie?"
• (Emery was pulling Nonnie's hair at dinner for Nonnie's birthday) "We just squirt her with a spray bottle of water."

Definitely has her Daddy wrapped around her little finger.

Discussions with Daddy: Segment 2

Well, it's been another 3 months of listening to the interactions between Em & her proud Papa.  That means another 3 months of quiet snickering and/or head shakes.  Suffice it to say, I've collected a few more gems.

Before I share some of these classic convos, because I don't really ever give him props anywhere else, I should iterate again what a good Daddy Emery snagged for herself.  I don't do this to toot his horn (heaven knows I try to do my part to keep that ego in check) or to seem like I don't think anyone else is as lucky.  I do it because this serves as our family's scrapbook and I really want future Emery to know how much her Daddy loves her.  Even on the days he may get stern with her, or yammer on about personal finances, I hope she knows that she could not possibly be more loved by BOTH of us.  Since I'm the author of this little piece of cyber space, it's easy for me to capture the sentiments I feel for our little angel.  I want her to know beyond a shadow of a doubt, the way that I do, even though our family's rock may not be much for verbal emoting, he loves her more than she will ever comprehend.

I have always known Ryan would be an incredible Dad, but he has exceeded even my own expectations.  He has such a soft spot for our sweet Princess and watching the two of them together really brings a new meaning to happiness for me.  This weekend for instance he's working nights and at home by himself while we are at the lake enjoying a holiday weekend with the Boarman side of the family.  Of course being the diligent iPhone-ographer that I am, I have been sending him regular updates.  He just responded to the last one with how much he misses the booger and how he can't believe how pretty she is.  (Clearly a completely unbiased statement.). Anyone who knows Ryan will recognize how touching that is- like I said, he's not much for verbal shows of emotion.

He also continues to use as many of his off days to keep Emery home from school and play Mr. Mom as he can.  I feel truly blessed that he does this as I know that not everyone is fortunate enough to have a co-parent who is comfortable doing that on their own.  It's, very rightfully so, intimidating to take on by yourself.  Particularly with our little diva who IS big on verbal emoting (read: screaming). So, thank you, Daddio for doing all you do.  We love you muchly.

Enough mush... on to the goods, huh?

• (Talking to Emery while changing her diaper one day)  What color is your hair going to be?  I see lots of colors.  Red, yellow, brown.  It must be ombre.  (Obviously he's unclear as to what ombre is)
• (While watching me practice putting the Ergo baby carrier on for the first time)  You know what that is?  That's a baby package.  We are sending you away.
• (Talking to Emery while I pleaded my case about something- likely an Amazon purchase)  Em, that's called justification.  You're a woman... you'll be very familiar with that concept.
• (During a particularly trying bed time routine)  If you stop crying right now I will buy you a corvette when you can drive.  Right now you're working with a very used Hyundai.  Maybe just a bike.
• (Holding her while Lola was trying to give her kisses)  That's a dog.  Other common names- canine, puppy, pero.
• (After I showed him someone in my newsfeed's baby and said he/she was cute)  You're cheating on our baby.  When I see other babies, I close my eyes.
• (After deciding to write a check for our final hospital bill rather than paying online)  I just saved us $10 on boogie!  What are you doing for this family?
• (Random conversation during dinner)  I have an irrational expectation that if someone sees a picture of Emery they should tell me she is the cutest baby in the world.  Like cuter than their own baby.  I recognize that's irrational so I just don't show people pictures of her.

My little world - just sharing a bowl of rice cereal and some thoughts on the meaning of life.

Discussions with Daddy: Segment 1

In honor of Father's Day this weekend, I'm going to get in gear and actually write this post that I've been meaning to for a while.  As a preface, let me first say that Emery couldn't have been more fortunate in the Papa lottery.  Ryan goes above and beyond to spend time with, and help with, our little boogie in any way he can.  As an example, this week he's been on nights. In order to spend time with our little one, after he gets home at 6:30 AM after 12 hours of work, he stays up and takes her to school.  This morning he really melted my heart when he proclaimed that he missed her and was going to go pick her up from school as soon as he woke up.  Yesterday he also spent most of his awake hours before work getting baby supplies for the week.  So yeah-  he's pretty great to us.

Enough sap, right?  Let's get to the point.  Any of you familiar with my dear better 1/3rd (and that should be all of my 2.5 readers) know that you can never be absolutely sure what will come out of his mouth.  Unless he's trying to sing along to a Spanish song in which case it will just be, "Que, que, que, que," in varying inflections.  This lack of predictability has led to a lot of laughter in our house.  A LOT.  From imparting nuggets of wisdom upon our daughter to discussing her finer points- Daddy provides a lot of soundbites I feel should be forever immortalized via this blog.  Keep in mind most of these are overhead while I'm in the other room doing something.  Heaven only knows what gets discussed when Mama isn't around.

I neglected to start jotting down these things until fairly recently.  So regretfully I've probably missed quite a few but rest assured this will probably become a semi regular segment here.  Happy Friday to the blogosphere, and Happy Daddy's Day to all you proud papas.  Enjoy!

• (Talking to me during a particularly rough colic period):  "She's such a cute ball of terror.  She's like a bunny with a knife."
• (Explaining her hands to her): "This is the index finger- you use it to point at things.  This is your middle finger- you use that for driving.  This is your ring finger- it's the one that will cost some poor sap like $30 grand one day.  That's inflation-adjusted.  We'll get to inflation later."
• (Practicing vowel sounds):  "Aaaaaaa, Eeeeeeee, I is for Igneous rock, Oooooo, Uuuuuuuuu."
• (Talking to me during a pretty trying trip to Conroe):  "She's like the bomb on Speed.  If we slow down, this car is going to explode."
• (Discussing his theories on how to impress upon her the importance of not getting pregnant as a teen). "I'm going to make her watch a Teen Mom marathon.  I'm going to take her allowance to buy diapers.  Then I'm going to walk into her room at all hours of the night and wake her with an airhorn.  Tying her tubes now is off the table, right?"